No Breast-Feeding Zone

Source: Copied image from https://parentingisnteasy.co/

No Breast-Feeding Zone

I can easily say that during by routine day-to-day I have my head held high and proud of my cancer journey and all the good things that have happened. I am proud of my body for tolerating chemotherapy, killing any potential cancer cells, and how it’s recovering from all these drugs and surgeries. But the moment someone asks me, “how did you feed your babies?” I instantly feel a punch to the stomach. I silently whimper to myself, thinking, “breast feeding was stripped from me and I didn’t have a choice”. I wonder if it would have made things easier it WAS indeed my choice. But I will never know. Although I was blessed that my kids did well with formula, but heart sank a little bit every time I bought a tiny, $45 can of formula that I knew would only last a week. So for you moms going through it now. Having babies after your cancer journey, what do you say, how do you handle it, and what advice do you have for other moms?

I must admit, I was able to breastfeed for two short weeks before my chemotherapy journey began. I was told to NOT breastfeed at all. It was not recommended as the cancer could potentially spread due to the increase in blood flow. My heart just broke. I was 32 weeks pregnant with twins. Never in a million years would I ever think this was a choice I would have to make. But in the end, I spoke and stood up for myself and what I felt comfortable with. I asked the doctors how long it would be safe to delay chemotherapy for so I could enjoy a little bit of my newborn/post-partum journey. Two weeks they said. My cancer was that aggressive. So after two short weeks I was shipped off to Interventional Radiology to place a port-a-cath in my neck/chest. I think that was more painful that vaginally delivering twins. I will never know if the choice I made was the “right one” but I feel in my heart it was. I was able to have those few moments with my daughters. I was able to pump and give them colostrum. But my cancer did spread, microscopically thankfully. But it did mean an additional 6 months of chemotherapy, 1 year of immunotherapy, 1 year of labs every 3 weeks, and MANY more side effects to deal with, and doctor appointments added to my cancer treatment sentence. Was it worth it to me? Hell yes.

So I had to deliver the babies at 35 weeks for two reasons. One, they shared a placenta and delivery at 36 weeks is recommended to avoid a still birth due to the placenta “getting old” and not being able to potentially support twins. And two, I had breast cancer and needed to start chemotherapy asap.

After delivery, I remember the day nurse giving report to the night nurse in the room. They were speaking about the day, they delivery, my medications, and how my uterus was doing until I heard the day nurse begin to whisper, “I am not sure how she will feed the babies because she has breast cancer”. Suddenly I remembered, OMG, my journey is just beginning. I politely said, “Hi, I’m right here. No need to whisper”. She responded with, “oh I just didn’t want to put it out there in the universe.” I responded, “What? Girl it’s out there, it’s real. I am not ashamed of it.”

So first thing, Well, let’s make sure every doctor, nurse, and lactation consultant know you are not going to breastfeed. I didn’t realize how hard that would actually be. Most places are shoving breastfeeding down our throats and, even worse, can make mamas feel awful for not being able to. The root cause was this big push to breastfeed to educate those who can and encourage women to continue (if they can) despite the difficulties of it (not limited to: costly breast pumps, having to go back to work, not having breaks at work to pump or places to do so, not having support at home, just to name a few). But it seems that perhaps some health care workers have become so used to the “Breast is Best” campaign that now they are numbed to the hardships of the mother’s journey.

According to New Caanan Pediatrics “The “Breast is Best” campaign began around 1978 when Penny and Andrew Stanley wrote the book of “Breast is Best” as a guide for new mothers. At that time, breastfeeding numbers were at an all time low and people were losing the knowledge passed down through the generations. “Breast is Best” reversed that trend and now, breastfeeding rates continue to climb year after year.”

You can see the article here. 

Also, this is an interesting article from PubMed written by Cristina Quinones

So how do you answer these practitioners that, despite having your medical history written down on the chart, still act clueless. Welp, answer what’s really being said in your head. I’m sure it’s alarming at first to them when they get a sassy response, but hey, your feelings are most valuable! You are the patient, and they should know better! At least that’s my approach. I tend to answer “I cannot breastfeed because I had a double mastectomy. Thank you for reminding me of my cancer journey.” Trust me, they won’t forget after a comment like that! I am sure you can make banners and signs from someone at Etsy. I absolutely ADORE what Megan Koziel, the very first Breastie! did. She posted a poem that stated,

         “No Breastfeeding Zone,”

“Though breastfeeding is a very special task.
Please be aware before you ask.
Our miracle baby will be formula fed,
And it will not affect her future ahead.

You can read the article here! 

Please understand two things. One, you are not the only one going through this journey! And Two, Be Bold! Speak up for yourself. As the Breasties always say, Mother Loudly! You have and are going through enough. You deserve grace, understanding, and empathy. Sometimes you just need to remind a few people that they are in the presence of a true warrior! Say what’s on your mind. Your peace of mind is of the utmost importance.